Leave it better than you found it!
Reworking back to time!
In Life, opportunities are abundant, but we wastefully preoccupy ourselves with senseless trials and we drive ourselves to exhaustion in pursuit of perfectionism. We consistently adhere to this distorted logic, and we don’t realize the immense impact it has in our relationships. We all have regrets, but I do not allow it to be an obstacle but as pinnacles of my life. We I overcame adversity. Our lives are lived through inner dialogue between negatives and positives. In between all that are events leading up to those pinnacles.
I have always had big dreams! My best role models are my immigrant parents for overcoming odds in life. This taught me to be emotionally intelligent, adaptable and responsibly resourceful. Looking back, I can only describe the past decade as, transformative. My past self would not recognize the present me. Being a first generation immigrant, presents many challenges especially a Dreamer (DACA) like me.
I always challenged myself with rigor; always impossibly philosophically self critical. When I was eight years old, I immigrated from the Philippines to San Pedro. It was an upheaval in my life. Cutting through the racism and economic disparities that I thought it only existed outside of America; basically challenges the way you act and front your “Sunday’s best”. Racism and white privilege today is still relevant. The pressure from my immigration status coupled with attending Ghetto schools.
The expectations was very Darwinian. Luckily my parents support and influence helped me to be resourceful, strategic, analytically observant on social cues. To be like them, I adapted to walk and talk just like my peers. Despite the systemic problems of racism; and, I hated being called a “NIP”,in addition to regular micro aggressions in the community, I still believe in the American dream. It’s like the movie, “Mean Girls”. I was Cady moving from the Philippines into the black ghetto school of San Pedro, Ca basically the other side of Rancho Palos Verdes.
It eventually resulted in getting into a program to deal with my trauma layered into trauma. I’ve since then, have moved from my past self and becoming of my future. My system of supports is telling of my quality of life. It’s my time and my responsibility to pay the free lunch. I refuse to constantly agreeing and manifesting the second best mindset.
STOICISM and Philosopher Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius; guided me through these trying times. It allowed me to reshape my failures into victories of survival. The Dalai Lama’s speeches and works helped me still the mind. Along with many gut wrenching conversations with familiar strangers that I’ve encountered. Once the mind and heart are still I can finally agreed to realizing my passions and dreams. I acknowledge we all have different walks of life, but the journey towards that balance requires reconciliation of fears and past failures. By this commitment, I know I am accepting success in my life.
Constant doubt means constant suffering from distorted perceptions. When I continue to give gratitude in my life, I can continue to move forward and do good. We learn from what we have endured, we are at constant odds against our fears, but when we give ourselves attention, forgiveness, those challenges won’t stand chance. I know I’m not an angel but agreeing that I can be good, I can now focus on what GOOD I can do. Action on towards those good thoughts I call “pebbles”.
